Saturday, September 12, 2009

This Is One Clean Knife

Ah yes. In the quest for sanitation, I lost it all. Beware, this could happen to you too.
If, per se, your knife is used to make cream cheese bagels during a Northern vacation, and if, let's say, you let it sit for two months before deciding to sanitize it properly.
But then it will seem incredibly disgusting to you, and you will have to go to unusually extreme measures to get it suitably clean.
This happened to me, you see, unfortunate girl that I am.
And I had the perfect idea--my entire demeanor changed at the thought of it! Yes, the ultimate in sanitation! I would boil my beloved knife!
It seemed a nice way to deep-clean it. Not peroxide, not alcohol, not iodine--believe me, I've done all that before. No, boiling was the thing.
But wait, it gets worse. . .
And worse. . .
As you can see, the plastic has completely separated from the rest of the knife. I came in and it was fluttering like some medieval banner in the water. Only stiffer.
I immediately tried to smash it back down, but it just wasn't melted enough. It seemed to be molded in its present shape, and didn't want to budge. I decided to let well enough alone, and removed it from the water.
As you can see, the toothpick that once slid so nicely into the top of my knife is now completely exposed, which doesn't offer proper cleanliness at all. Especially considering that I never use it as a toothpick--I use it to spread open wounds or, more often, dig things out of them. (It's very handy for larger objects--larger than a splinter or something, I mean). Thankfully I carry wet wipes and Germ-X. I guess that in the future I'll just have to sanitize every time before I use it to pry something out of someone.
Also, to my intense disgust, I discovered that the cream cheese shmutz I was sure I had boiled into oblivion were still there, largely untouched in the most impossible recesses of my knife. I think God was laughing at me.
So basically nothing has changed--I still need to clean my knife. Only now it's shape is amazingly different. I'm trying to think of it as a little Swiss Army knife cosmetic surgery.
Next time, I won't boil it so long.


  1. Wow...this almost makes me want to tell my boy scout brothers to clean their pocket knives by boiling them...then I can giggle and point at them in a Puckish manner.

    This isn't to say I have any earthly idea how one would go about successfully cleaning a knife, mind you. Perhaps alcohol?

  2. Well, that's what NORMAL people usually do. Sigh. . .